If you are reading this page it is perhaps because you are having thoughts of ending your life. Perhaps you have been thinking about it for a while, and your plans are made, or perhaps you have not made any plans, but the thought is there. Or maybe you have made a plan and deep down are hoping that someone will hear your cry for help and intervene. Or maybe you are just tired and see no way of going on…the very act of living has become too difficult and painful…and you want it to end.
You are Not Alone.
Six years ago I was sitting in your chair. I have bipolar disorder. After two years of rapid cycling … long, severe depressions and far too short hypomanic periods, I had reached the end of my endurance. I decided I had had enough and made a conscious decision to end my life. I made my plans carefully…it’s not important the method I chose. When the time came I put my plan in motion. My mindset was one of total isolation … frozen in time … positive that this was the only way. My reasoning was that it hurt too much to live, and I was a burden to family and friends (didn’t bother to ask them if that were true)
Since I am here telling you about it, it is obvious my attempt failed…but not before it caused severe anguish to my family, and considerable physical damage to me. Somehow when we contemplate suicide we never entertain the thought that it might not be successful…and that it might leave residual damage. Today I need to use oxygen as a result of my failed attempt. But you know what? I thank God every day that I’m alive. It took a long while, but I got well, and I have gone on to help other people with this illness know that they can also be well and live up to their potential. We cannot give up.
“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Trust me…this is true.
I learned a few things from my experience that I would like to share with you – if you will take just a few minutes to listen – I’m sure you can afford a few minutes …
First of all, this is not something you can handle on your own. You need to talk! Talk to your doctor. Talk to your counselor. Talk to your family, and talk to your friends. They need to know how badly you are feeling before they can help. Vocalize your cry for help instead of internalizing it. If that doesn’t work you can always go back to Plan A right?
If you are in imminent danger of harming yourself RUN, don’t walk…to the closest emergency room and tell them how you are feeling. Call your doctor, call 911, call an ambulance or the local police. Get Yourself to a place of safety and protect yourself.
If you need to have someone with you, don’t be afraid to say so … and why.
Give up your “weapon of choice” be it drugs or whatever. Give it to someone else for disposal or safekeeping.
i know you aren’t going to want to do this – one of the things we do when suicidal is to do all we can to keep our options open. Giving these up is a first step to living.
Journalize. A simple record of the people in your life and why they are important can remind you why your own life is worth continuing,
Avoid drugs and alcohol because they may make it harder for you to resist destructive urges.
Make a plan for LIFE! The National Depressive and Manic Depressive Assn http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/suicide.html can help.
Go Now to: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide
Find others with the same illness who understand and have been through the same things you are going through. You may find them at your local mental health association or here on the internet. Bipolar World http://www.bipolarworld.net/Community/community.htm has many areas of support, as do many other web sites on the net.
Browse through the pages at http://www.1000deaths.com
View the information at SAVE http://www.save.org
Just as we can make a choice to die – we CAN make a choice to live.
MAKE YOUR CHOICE TO LIVE NOW!